I always sign them, I said slowly, before I sit down. It’s a habit Roland taught me. He said, ‘Sign it the minute you get home because if you win and it isn’t signed, it’s just paper with numbers.’ And this time, I paused. I pressed my memory. I had been tired that day. My left knee had been aching from the cold snap.
I had been thinking about the anniversary of Roland’s proposal. Had I signed it before the tea or after? or had I set it down intending to sign it and then forgotten? I did not know. That uncertainty was the first real fear I felt. Not the fear of losing the money, but the fear of losing the truth.
Because without the signature, without the name in my handwriting across the back of that ticket, the legal claim became complicated in a way that favored whoever was currently holding the ticket and standing inside my house wearing my son’s face. I stood up. My knees protested. I ignored them. I need to think, I said.
And I need to act both at the same time. Dorothy looked at me steadily. What do you need? I need to find out what I actually have in my name, and I need to do it before they cash that ticket because once that money moves, everything becomes 10 times harder. We went inside through the back door. Derek and Cynthia were in the living room.
I could hear the television, a morning news program, the volume higher than necessary. The kind of deliberate noise that fills a room when the people in it don’t want to talk to each other or be overheard. I walked to my bedroom, closed the door behind me, and sat down at my small writing desk.
I am not a woman who panics. I have outlived a husband, a brother, a miscarriage, three layoffs during Roland’s working years, a cancer scare in 2015 that turned out to be nothing, and a flood in the basement in 2018 that destroyed 30 years of holiday photographs. Panic is a luxury for people who have not yet learned that it changes nothing.
What changes things is clear thinking followed by deliberate action. So, I thought clearly. What did I know for certain? I knew that the winning lottery ticket had been purchased at Garfield’s pharmacy on the 6th of March on a Thursday in the afternoon during my regular weekly visit. I knew that it was a multi-draw ticket using my specific numbers.