Reaching the age of 70 doesn’t mean a person’s lost their value or their abilities, and it certainly doesn’t mean they should be stripped of their knowledge or their right to have a say. Yet as any man and woman who reach their sixth decades know, that period of life ushers in a muted and aching transition. All of a sudden, they are no longer asked for their opinions, their points of view are ignored, and decisions are made for them for “the sake” of their well-being.

Infantilization: A Silent and Normalized Violence

So, what felt like a genuine appreciation for one’s years of experience turns into a need to control, masquerading as concern. Many older adults describe a sudden, unsettling shift in how they are treated. People begin speaking to them in a softer, almost childlike tone. Plans are made without them having a say. Their decisions are questioned and their choices are undermined with sentences like “it’s for your own good” and “at your age you shouldn’t be doing that anymore.”

What lies beneath the surface of this seemingly loving treatment, however, is a grave repercussion. Infantilization is evident when an elderly individual is perceived as no longer capable of thinking, making decisions, or comprehending their own life. This behavior is rarely driven by bad intentions. It usually stems from fear, misplaced concern, or a society that views aging as deterioration rather than experience. As a result, the harm is gradual and unfolds over time.

When others keep deciding for those over the age of 70, they don’t just lose their autonomy but who they are. Slowly but surely, their confidence is worn down.

The High Cost of Losing Your Voice

Studies have found that older adults who keep making decisions live longer and have higher quality of life. Their brain craves stimulation such as selecting, organizing, planning, working through problems, even making mistakes.

On the other hand, when people sense they are not being heard, they begin to feel of no use to their family and the society. And when the brain thinks it is no longer needed, motivation wanes and vitality fades. This makes for a vicious cycle: They lose their voice, they become passive, others take over, and they lose even more control.

When Love Becomes Control