I excuse myself to my old bedroom upstairs. Same twin bed, same faded quilt, same Columbia graduation photo tacked to the wall with a single push pin. Down the hallway, both walls are covered in Khloe’s pictures. Prom, cheerleading, sorority, formal, engagement party. 47 framed moments. My graduation photo is 4 in x 6 in and the push pin is rusting.
I lock the door. Call James Whitfield. Voicemail.
“James, it’s FA Terrell. I need to see you Monday. It’s urgent. Please call me back.”
I sit on the edge of the bed and play the recording through my earbuds. Every word is clear. My mother’s voice, my father’s voice, my sister’s voice, all three of them, calm and methodical, planning to erase me.
I don’t sleep.
The next morning, there’s a man in the living room I’ve never met. Patricia introduces him over coffee.
“This is Dr. Voss. He’s an old friend of your fathers from college. I thought it might help to have someone to talk to, sweetheart after everything.”
Dr. Raymond Voss is 64. Silver hair, wire rimmed glasses, the kind of cardigan that’s supposed to make you feel safe. He shakes my hand and smiles like we’re at a dinner party.
“I’m sorry for your loss, FA,” he says. “Your parents are worried about you.”
We sit in the den. Patricia stays positioned on the love seat like a chaperone. Voss opens a leather notebook.
“Do you find it hard to make decisions right now?”
No.
“Do you sometimes hear Nathan’s voice even when you know he’s gone?”
No.
“Have you had thoughts of harming yourself?”
No.
Each question is designed to build a case. I recognize the pattern because I spent 3 days reading about involuntary guardianship proceedings on my phone at 2 in the morning.
Voss isn’t checking on me. He’s constructing a diagnosis.
“Sometimes grief can make us feel like we’re not capable of handling our own affairs,” he says gently. “That’s perfectly normal.”
Patricia leans forward. “She’s been like this since Nathan died. Shut down. Not herself.”
I answer every question clearly, calmly, and without emotion. I give Voss nothing.
After 20 minutes, I excuse myself to get water. I walk to the back porch, close the screen door, and call James. This time, he answers.
“Don’t leave that house yet,” he says. “I need to tell you something. Nathan set up. Can you come to my office tomorrow morning?”
My pulse picks up for the first time in days. And it’s not from fear.