Mr. President, I Don't Love You1
Cool It, Or I'll Go Nuts
Rolling into town for the holidays, distant relatives start hounding me about tying the knot, popping out kids, and pitching in around the house.
The working stiff in me fires back, "Why the rush? Might as well have the Grim Reaper nag you too."
What's this? A wife's gotta be a saint, and a girl needs to be a docile workhorse.
I don't give a damn.
With a few sharp words, I zipped every gossip's lips and pushed them back by miles.
Dropping the pretense, I've been living on cloud nine.
——
"Jessie, can't you see all the ladies busy in the kitchen? Such a blind spot will keep you single forever."
Just as I opened my mouth, Mom subtly squeezed my hand.
Choking back my reply, it's the same circus every Thanksgiving.
Guys loafing around, puffing cigars, guzzling beer, boasting about peanuts, all armchair quarterbacks for national affairs.
While the ladies tirelessly keep the wheels turning in the kitchen, all to preserve the men's pride.
Grandma in the kitchen grumbles, "Marrying off to a woman who can't pop out a boy, my son must've walked under a ladder, stuck with a dud."
Mom reminds me we only come here once a year, no need for drama.
"Just suck it up for Dad's sake, it'll blow over."
As course after course rolled out, I was itching to bolt after dinner.
"You can't sit, Jessie! You and your mom are not allowed at the table."
I whirl around, stunned by Grandma's latest antic.
"You and your mom lack manners—girls are supposed to wait on the men. And your mom, showing her face here without having a son, I'd have run headfirst into a tree if I were her."
Ha, I turned to Dad, to see if he heard this nonsense.
Dad looked trapped, and eventually just lowered his head in silence.
"We only come back once a year, don't stir up Grandma, she's been through a lot too."
That even got Mom down.
Once upon a time, Mom didn't mind Dad being dirt-poor, backed him blindly to kickstart his career, and here we are.
He promised just to come back for a meal and swore no hassle for us.
Hearing her son, Grandma beamed brighter than ever.
"Not to be harsh, Jessie, but why bother with college when you're just gonna be someone else's gal? Might save the dough for a check-up, try for a son, or maybe adopt one."