At a friend's gathering, my girlfriend's male best friend peeled a big crab for her.
Everyone's gaze was fixed on me.
They thought I would be jealous or angry.
Yet I led the applause and wished the two eternal happiness.
"You look so affectionate. Why don't you two kiss?"
***
My name was Danny Jackson. Last month, on my birthday, Lara Thornton, my girlfriend, left me in the middle of my birthday celebration to attend the classmate gathering of Austin Woodward, her male best friend.
I was angry and asked her why.
She blamed me for not trusting her, saying that trust was the most basic thing between couples.
Besides, there were so many people present. It wasn't just the two of them.
As a result, we stopped talking to each other for two weeks.
This afternoon, Lara sent me a screenshot of a page about a restaurant reservation.
She rarely took the initiative. Every time we fought, I was always the first one to give in.
Only then did she reluctantly agree like a queen.
I looked at her message.
It was just a screenshot without any words attached. But it was enough to make me happy.
Lara was always like this. She was so good at the carrot and stick policy.
Lara and I weren't exactly like a couple. I guessed it was more appropriate to address me as her simp.
She was my owner holding the leash, and I willingly handed over the leash to her.
Whether our relationship was good or not depended entirely on Lara's mood.
I was such a loser who let her manipulate me.
I loved her so much and so humbly that I had no say in our relationship at all.
But today, when I saw her message, I didn't feel happy at all.
Once upon a time, a message from her would have been enough to make my day.
I replied as usual.
[OK, honey. See you tonight.]
When I finished work, a colleague asked if I wanted a ride home.
"I'm going out for dinner with my girlfriend tonight." I scratched my head in embarrassment.
"Danny, you and your girlfriend are so in love."
I was afraid that wasn't true. Our relationship was on thin ice.
After all, it was like unrequited love. I was kind of tired now that I had devoted for such a long time.
The reserved time was 7:00 p.m., but I arrived at 6:30 p.m.
The rain was drizzling, and I sat in front of the window from 6:30 p.m. to 9:00 p.m.
Lara was nowhere to be seen.
I called her, but she didn't pick up. I texted her, but she didn't reply.
Lara, once again, stood me up.
"Sir, we will be closing at 10 p.m. Would you like to order?"
I nodded.
Sitting alone, listening to the heavy rain outside the window, and eating fresh grilled salmon.
I actually thought that the feeling of being alone was surprisingly good.
When paying the bill, I saw Austin's Instagram.
"Being sick is so uncomfortable, but luckily I have you!"
The picture attached was a pair of hands clasped beside a hospital bed.
I recognized at a glance that one of them was Lara's hand.
Her hands were very fair, and she applied a liquid hand mask every night. She found it troublesome, so I helped her apply it and then washed it off carefully.
The moment I saw the picture, I felt nothing at all.
I wasn't angry, and I didn't feel like questioning her.
Instead, I felt a sense of accomplishment that I had always expected would be like this.
See? I was right again.
Every time Lara stood me up, it was because of Austin.
But when she stood him up, it was never because of me.
To be more precise, she had never stood him up!
I was glad that this time I was not sad or aggrieved at all.
Chapter 2After returning home, I washed up and went straight to bed.
In the middle of the night, I heard something.
I was a light sleeper. Since I started dating Lara, I always took care of her when she was asleep, as she always liked to drool and roll up the quilt.
It had been a long time since I had a complete sleep.
In the dark night, I could clearly feel someone staring at me.
It was Lara.
Being awakened in the middle of the night and being stared at, I felt extremely annoyed.
But after a long day, I really didn't want to deal with her head-on, so I continued to pretend to sleep.
What's wrong with Lara?
It's so late. She went back late at night, and instead of going to sleep, she kept staring at me?
I didn't wait for her on the couch this time, didn't question her in a disappointed tone, and didn't humbly beg her to focus on me.
She was disappointed because of that?
Shouldn't she be happy? After all, this was what she expected, right?
Before, I would have a big fight with her hysterically and ask her if she could love me a little more with red eyes.
I didn't want for much. I just wanted her to care about me just a little bit.
But she had always been standing aside with indifference, looking at me with disdain and mockery as if I were a clown.
Now I thought it through. There were countless women in this world, and some of them didn't deserve to be loved. Why couldn't I let go?
There was nothing uglier than a meltdown. Even I hated myself when I had one.
The next morning, I didn't get up an hour earlier to cook breakfast for Lara as usual. I went to work directly.
I had to say that it felt great to sleep an extra hour in the morning!
In the past, Lara didn't want to get up early for breakfast, and she was very picky about the appearance and taste of breakfast. For her sake, I had to get up early every day to make breakfast for her.
Over the years, my cooking skills had improved by leaps and bounds, and I could make exquisite breakfasts that were different every day for 365 days.
But Lara rarely showed appreciation. She either got up late or couldn't stand the smell of eggs...
So, why should I be a simp?
Lara walked out of the room and saw the empty table, and her expression changed.
She took a few deep breaths and adjusted her expression as she walked towards me.
She took out a box from her pocket, and inside was a Casio watch.
My watch had been broken for over half a year, and I had been wanting to buy a new one.
It took Lara half a year to realize it?
Or she had realized it, but she pretended that she didn't know?
Lara saved money for half a year to buy Austin an entry-level Rolex for his birthday last year.
What did she say at that time?
She said, "Austin is an adult, and he should look decent when he's out. Besides, as his friend, I can't be so stingy!"
"Danny, sorry for standing you up yesterday.
"It's just... It was raining heavily, and Austin broke his leg. As a friend, I felt bad if I didn't take care of him. You don't mind, do you?"
In the past, I'd definitely mind.
But now I had thought it through. What was the big deal?
Besides, this had happened countless times already.
"You don't need to explain. I get it. One will feel indeed helpless if he's hurt and alone. You should be with him. Alright then. I have to go to work. Talk to you..."
"Danny..." Lara pulled my sleeve and wouldn't let me go.
"Anything else?"
"I haven't had breakfast yet!" She closed her eyes. Finally, she decided to say.
"I know. Why don't you go out there and find some joint? I'm busy. I don't have time to cook breakfast anymore."
"But the food outside isn't healthy..."
This time, I didn't respond to her anymore. I left her with the sound of my hurried footsteps and the sight of my back.
Chapter 3After that day, Lara and I stopped talking to each other again.
Before, whenever we faced such a situation, I would become easily irritable and emotionally unstable.
I spent every day thinking about how to make up with Lara ASAP, and this seriously affected my work progress.
But now, I felt incredibly relaxed.
Finally, after I went home, I didn't have to act all hypocritical and take the initiative to talk to her.
Finally, I could sleep in the room alone without being disturbed at night.
Finally, I wouldn't be disturbed by her affair with the others.
Finally, I could do my own things without being disturbed.
After I let go of the obsession or care for Lara, life became much easier.
Now that she was no longer the center of my life, I suddenly felt much more relaxed.
I finished reading quite a lot of books in less than three days. In the past, it would take me more than a year.
When I was at work, I noticed that the girl at the next desk was preparing hard for the civil service exam.
The way she immersed herself in studying made me feel ashamed.
Even a girl who had just graduated knew that she should study hard. She shouldn't waste her prime years and should strive to improve herself.
On the contrary, I wasted my time in the entanglement with Lara, muddleheaded all day long.
For a while, I even thought that if I married Lara one day, we would have a child.
If Lara wanted me to stay at home full-time to take care of the child, that was OK.
The girl was studying hard at the desk, and on the contrary, I was dragged down by love and had achieved nothing.
I made up my mind to change myself.
I bought a set of study materials and made a corresponding plan for myself to be a civil servant every day.
After working overtime every day, I plunged into the study and frantically read books about the civil service exam.
I was glad that Lara and I weren't talking to each other these days. She would not come to disturb me in the study, making my efficiency even higher.
Chapter 4We didn't talk for almost a month.
In the early morning, I took my bag and was about to leave when Lara suddenly appeared and stopped me.
"I didn't come home last night. Aren't you worried about me, Danny?"
I was stunned. I didn't care about her whereabouts at all, so how could I know that she didn't come back all night last night?
"I drank too much last night. I was worried that if I came back, I might wake you up, so I asked Austin to send me to a nearby hotel..."
When she said that, she stared at me without blinking.
I knew she was trying to use Austin to provoke me.
What kind of expression on my face was she expecting to see?
Grievance? Anger? Or perhaps disappointment?
But she would be disappointed this time.
"You didn't come back last night?" My tone was indifferent, showing no emotion.
Lara's eyes turned red in an instant, and tears were welling up in her eyes.
Before, I was the one with the mood swings, while Lara always remained indifferent.
Now that our roles had reversed, I felt no pity for her. I was filled with indescribable restlessness.
She stared at me, her big eyes teary. It seemed she was waiting for me to admit I was wrong.
Unfortunately, I couldn't understand what she meant, and I didn't want to.
"I'll pick you up after work today!"
Instinctively, I wanted to say no.
"No need. I have to work overtime today."
"Till when?"
"Eight o'clock. It'll be late. You don't have to come pick me up. It's too troublesome."
"I'll wait for you downstairs at eight o'clock!" She quickly ran away as if afraid of being rejected by me.
In order to get my story straight, I took out the review materials and studied hard in the office after work.
I was so involved that I lost track of time.
"Hey, Danny, are you still busy? We're downstairs."
It was Austin. He always used his cleverness to subtly mock that I was inferior to him.
I went downstairs and naturally sat in the back seat after opening the car door.
As long as Austin was there, I'd never sit in the front passenger seat.
I did question Lara.
"Have you ever considered my feelings when you let your male best friend sit in the front passenger seat?"
"Danny, you're a grown man, OK? Stop being so petty. Austin gets carsick. Can't you humor him? There's nothing between me and him..."
I said nothing after I got in the car.
Austin said.
"Danny, why the silence? Please don't get us wrong. I drank today and couldn't drive. Lara was so worried about me that she insisted on picking me up."
I closed my eyes and rested. I was too tired after studying all day, so I really didn't have the energy to watch the clown performance in the passenger seat.
"The crabs at that restaurant today were delicious. Let's go again someday."
"Austin, thanks for peeling the crabs for me, otherwise I wouldn't have been able to eat them at all."
"You silly girl..."
They in front were chatting casually.
I was dozing off in the back seat. They were so noisy!
Austin suddenly turned to me.
"Lara loves crabs but doesn't want to peel. Danny, you must have helped her peel at home a lot, right?"
Obviously, he was being sarcastic.
In the past, whenever we ordered crabs, I would pick up the special tools and start peeling them for here. I would carefully put the crab meat onto her plate.
I still remembered. She put down the fork and pushed the plate filled with crab meat a little further away.
"Are you deliberately trying to embarrass me in front of so many people? I have hands. I can peel them myself!"
She didn't love me, so everything I did was wrong.
After that, I never peeled crabs for her again.
Chapter 5Austin's eyes were so eager, making it impossible for me to ignore him.
He looked at me triumphantly, his eyes full of mockery.
It seemed he was saying, "So what if you're Lara's boyfriend? She loves me more."
In the past, I would have snapped when I saw this look in his eyes. Yet now, I simply found it boring. She was just a heartless woman. Whoever wanted her could have her.
When we got home, I put down my bag and was about to take a shower.
Lara stopped me.
"Danny, don't you have anything ... to ask me?"
She pinched the corner of her clothes as if she had made a great determination before asking me.
"What do you want me to ask?" I was impatient and just wanted her to leave me alone.
"Luna organized today's gathering. They are all my college classmates, and I figured that if I turned them down, I'd be rude... I didn't know they invited Austin, too..."
In the past, it was always me who mentioned Austin. I was jealous, angry, or aggrieved.
Now that I didn't care anymore, she took the initiative to explain.
"It is your business. No need to explain to me. You can call the shots."
"Danny, these days... You have been cold to me... I'm scared..."
I interrupted her before she finished speaking.
"You're overthinking. I'm too tired, so I'm going to sleep."
After saying that, I turned around without hesitation, leaving Lara behind.
The next night after work, I unexpectedly saw Lara's car downstairs again.
For some reason, I felt a little scared and annoyed. I wanted to return to the office building, but Lara stopped me.
"Danny, why do you run away when you see me? Am I some kind of ferocious monster?" She lowered her head, sobbing.
It was the same old trick. Before, she always manipulated me with such a look.
"No. I just forgot something..."
"It's Luna's birthday party. She invited both of us... Danny, you..."
"You may go. I'm not interested."
Luna Jordan was Lara's college roommate. When Lara pursued Austin back then, the group of people, including Luna, offered Lara lots of suggestions. They became close and had been friends till now.
"All of them will bring a date. Don't worry... It won't be late. I swear."
Perhaps not wanting to argue with her anymore, as she started the car, I said nothing, agreeing to go in silence.
As soon as we arrived at Luna's doorstep, a bunch of roses suddenly fell from the door frame, catching Lara and me off guard.
Before we could react, Austin jumped out from the corner.
"Flowers match beautiful women! Welcome, Lara."
Chapter 6The atmosphere became tense, and everyone was secretly observing my expression.
They all knew that I loved Lara so deeply, so I definitely couldn't tolerate someone who sent roses to her in such a way.
But I just sat down in my seat under their gazes.
"Why isn't anyone sitting?"
Lara threw the roses aside and ran towards me.
"Danny, don't take it seriously. I'm just too close to Austin. He doesn't mean anything. He just wants to surprise me!"
"She's right, Danny. We used to mess around like this all the time. You didn't know, and that's all. It's just the interaction between friends!"
Austin's words "used to", "all the time", and "you didn't know" caught my attention. I knew what he was trying to do.
He wouldn't miss any opportunity to sow discord between me and Lara.
His tricks were so lame. He better kept them to himself.
During the meal, Austin kept putting food on Lara's plate.
"Lara, it's the braised pork you like. Have some more..."
They used to put food on each other's plates frequently and called that normal interaction between friends. It no longer affected me.
After finishing the meal, I was thinking about my plan for the civil service exam, so I wanted to leave.
"Danny, are you leaving so soon? Let's stay a little longer and hang out." Lara tried to stop me.
"No. You guys may hang out. I'm leaving. I have something to do."
"Then... Then I'll go back too!" I looked at Lara in surprise as I heard her say that. She used to be eager for me to leave early, let alone go with me.
"You're both leaving? I didn't drive. Lara, could you give me a ride?" Austin said.
I opened the door to the back seat of the car directly.
As soon as I got in the car, I put on my headphones and reviewed the knowledge I learned in the morning.
The civil service exam was around the corner, and I had devoted myself to it almost entirely.
Concentrating on reviewing several pages of the questions I answered wrongly in the morning, I suddenly realized that it was unusually quiet in the car today.
I took off my headphones.
"Lara, what's wrong with you today? I asked you a question. Why didn't you say anything?"
"Don't talk while I'm driving."
Austin's gaze fell on me again. This time, there was resentment instead of complacency in his eyes.
He mouthed at me.
"Did you say something to Lara and instigate our relationship? You are such a despicable person."
I smiled and ignored him.
After all, paying attention to such a person was as boring as scolding the air.
Chapter 7In the morning, when I was about to go to work, I was surprised to see that Lara had made breakfast.
She was sitting on the sofa in the living room waiting for me.
"You're awake, Danny. Have some breakfast. I made it myself. I don't know if it suits your taste."
"No need. My colleague has already bought it for me," I said lightly.
The colleague I was referring to was the one who commuted to work with me. There was a breakfast joint downstairs from her house, and she always brought something for me. Of course, I paid her.
"I see... Then go wash up. I'll take you to work later. I'm sure you don't wanna trouble others always."
I stared at Lara as if she were a stranger.
What happened? She actually offered me a lift?
"No need. I'll take my colleague's car."
"It's too ... troublesome for others!"
"It's not. I pay for the gas. Besides, you're the one who finds it troublesome, remember?"
She seemed to be choked on my words for a moment and stayed silent for quite a while.
When she urged me to buy a car back then, I didn't even have a driver's license.
She gave me a vision.
She said, "With a car, I can pick you up and drop you off at work. It's so romantic!
"Once we have a car, we can take a weekend road trip, go out in the suburbs, and have a world that only belongs to the two of us."
But just a few days after I bought a car, Lara became impatient.
"Your company is so far away, and it's not on my way. It's early in the morning. I need my beauty sleep.
"Handle it yourself. Don't bother me again!"
After she said that, she never picked me up or dropped me off at work again.
I spent my days on the crowded subway while paying off the car loan. Now that I thought about it, I was such a big sucker.
"Is your colleague who rides with you a man or a woman?"
"A woman. She's just a friend. Do you have any other questions?"
She hesitated for a while and couldn't say anything.
Maybe to make her suffer more, I said deliberately.
"Relax. I have never taken care of her when she was sick, never peeled crabs for her, and never stayed overnight at her house in the middle of the night!"
After saying that, I left, and I heard Lara's clear sobbing behind me.
I was napping at noon.
Unexpectedly, I received a message from Lara on WhatsApp.
It was a photo. She was in a meeting. She also texted, [What are you doing?]
Was she ... reporting to me?
Sliding my fingertips, I scrolled up our chat history.
I used to be such a simp. In the past, I used to send multiple messages without getting a single reply from Lara, but I still persisted in texting her.
And now, I hadn't taken the initiative to send her a message for half a month.
I had to say that this half month had been the most enjoyable half month since I started dating her!