This Hatred and Love are Endless

I still resenting the east wind.

In order to help Huston seize the throne.

I sacrificed myself to be his insider.

Imprisoned and tortured by the queen for five years.

Huston agreed to ascend the throne and proclaimed me as the queen.

Five years later, he successfully ascended to the throne.

I waited for three months.

But another woman's enthronement ceremony was held.

"Renee, your family background is not good, so I have to consider carefully when choosing the empress."

"Rest assured, even if I become a virtuous son, I will not mistreat you."

Later, the new queen secretly humiliated me many times.

He saw it all.

Not a word.

He didn't know.

I was forced to take the poison powder to save him.

Only one year of life left.

***

Indoors, the superior sinking incense lingers.

It had been three months since I left the rotten, foul-smelling dungeon, but I still couldn't adjust to the lavishly adorned room.

Nervously, I tugged at my sleeves, covering the scars on my body.

My body was covered with knife wounds, whip marks, and sword slashes from neck to ankle, all inflicted by the former Empress.

Though much had healed over the past three months, the scars remained.

I was terrified that Huston wouldn't like them.

"Miss Renee! The emperor is here!"

My personal maid Carol rushed in excitedly.

I hurriedly straightened my sleeves and hair.

Three months ago, Huston had promised me in the dungeon that he would make me Empress after ascending the throne. Now that he was here, it must be to fulfill that promise.

Soon, the sound of slow footsteps approached. I took a deep breath and saw a man in a pale yellow dragon robe appear.

He exuded a calm and regal demeanor, his posture tall and straight, and the nine strings of jade beads on his crown reflected his authoritative status.

Just as I was about to call out to him, I noticed that he had his arm around a beautiful woman in a red robe.

The woman wore a golden phoenix ring on her finger, looking at me with contempt.

"Renee, this is Amy, the daughter of the National Preceptor Rodney," Huston paused for a moment and introduced. "Tomorrow, I will make her Empress. From now on, you must show her the utmost respect."

I felt as if I had been struck by lightning.

It took me a moment to register the bitter taste in my throat.

"Why... Huston, didn't you say..."

"How dare you!"

Before I finished speaking, the eunuch scolded me severely.

"The emperor's name is not something a lowly person like you can call out directly!"

I turned my head to look at Huston, but his face remained stern and indifferent, not saying a word.

He seemed like a completely different person.

I had no choice but to kneel and bow my head.

"Your servant knows her mistake."

"Forget it, Renee. You helped me ascend the throne, so if you wish to address me as before, you may."

He smiled, his eyes warm and indulgent, just as they once were.

But then he turned and playfully pinched Amy's cheek, his voice full of affection.

"And you, don't blame me for showing her favoritism if she calls me that."

"Your Majesty, you're the best!"

Amy wrapped her arms around his shoulders flirtatiously and kissed him on the cheek, casting a smug look in my direction, clearly showing off.

It felt as if a giant hand was gripping my heart, making it hard to breathe.

The next day, Amy's coronation ceremony as Empress officially began.

The ceremony was held in the bell tower outside the Throne Hall. Below, drums and gongs rang out, and the streets were packed with people celebrating.

Even the officials of the imperial harem, both high and low, went to participate.

I leaned against the palace gates, the smell of medicine lingering around me, gazing toward the Throne Hall.

Huston had told me that since I still needed to recover, it was inconvenient for me to attend.

"Inconvenient?"

"More like he's worried that Miss Renee will lose her mind and cause trouble for Empress Amy!"

"Exactly! When a woman gets jealous, it's dangerous! Of course, the Emperor needs to be cautious!"

Carol chased away the gossiping maids and returned to comfort me, but I could only shake my head and smile bitterly.

Huston, there was no need for you to guard against me.

Since you had already made your decision, I would naturally obey you.

Not long after Amy was crowned Empress, she predictably came to my palace.

She wore an Empress's robe embroidered with golden phoenixes, the phoenix tail patterns on her sash gleaming, highlighting her regal status.

Arrogantly, she knocked over my medicine pot and slapped me.

"The year's end is approaching, and I will be offering prayers and sacrifices for the people alongside the Emperor. No medicine brewing is allowed in the harem during such a sacred time! How dare you!"

Feeling the stinging pain on my face, I gently explained.

"The Emperor personally approved my medicine brewing so I could recover quickly and bring him joy. I ask the Empress to understand."

I didn't know what nerve this struck, but her eyebrows furrowed sharply.

Suddenly he grabbed my neck.

"Approved? The Emperor only gives you face out of respect for your childhood connection! And you dare to use his words to threaten me?"

"Go kneel outside the palace! You'll only rise when I'm satisfied!"

I had no choice but to stand and kneel in the courtyard. In the bitter cold of winter, the icy white jade stones stabbed painfully into my knees.

The old wound on my neck began bleeding again from her grip.

Gasping for breath, my frail body trembled.

Amy, still filled with rage, kicked me.

"Kneel properly! Stop pretending to be weak!"

My body shook, my heart pounding.

Through the blur of my vision, I saw a figure in yellow robes approaching quickly.

Then, I lost consciousness.

When I awoke, Huston was sitting by my bedside.

"Your Majesty…"

"There's no need for formalities in your condition."

He kindly placed a soft pillow behind me and personally held a bowl of medicine to my lips.

After I finished drinking, he gently stroked my hair and said tenderly.

"I've already punished Amy's servants. It was their gossip that made her recklessly confront you in your palace."

"Don't hold it against her."

"She usually follows the rules well."

I was speechless for a moment. He had seen her beat me without cause. He must have known it had nothing to do with the servants.

Yet he still defended her.

I sat up straight, looking him directly in the eyes. For the first time, I realized that the frail boy I once knew had transformed into a towering figure, every expression imbued with the authority of an emperor.

"Your Majesty, I've known you for 18 years. I know your heart better than anyone."

"Have you fallen in love with Empress Amy? Do you no longer love me?"

"How dare you!"

He abruptly stood, knocking over the bowl of medicine, and angrily pointed at me.

"I am the Emperor! How dare you presume to guess my thoughts!"

"Who gave you the courage?"

I knelt on the bed, bowing my head.

"If Your Majesty has fallen in love with the Empress, then please let me go. I'm willing to pray for Your Majesty from afar."

"If you dare speak such nonsense again, I'll have your head!"

Huston did not answer my plea. He stormed out, slamming the door behind him.

For half a year after that, Huston didn't set foot in my palace.

He had confined me, forbidding me from leaving freely or seeing anyone.

His imperial guards surrounded the palace, and anyone who attempted to send me winter clothes or firewood would be executed.

Fortunately, I was quick-witted. I had several blankets taken apart to make coats for everyone and chopped wood from the back garden to light fires and keep warm, preventing others from suffering alongside me.

However, there was no solution for the food shortage, and my medicine supplies were running low as well.

Gradually, my old illnesses began to resurface, and my body grew weaker.

Each week, the head of the imperial guards would knock on my door arrogantly to inquire,

"Miss Renee, has the Emperor's question been answered?"

What question?

Huston simply wanted me to beg for forgiveness, to promise I'd willingly stay by his side as a nameless, insignificant servant woman, never to leave.

I shook my head bitterly.

"No. Please, do not ask again."

He glanced at me in shock, scoffed, and left with his sword.

When hunger became unbearable for everyone, I asked someone to bring me paper and ink.

I coughed while writing by the dim light of a kerosene lamp.

I wrote about how Huston and I met, how we came to know and love each other.

I wrote about how we fought side by side, resisting the former Empress's attempts to destroy us.

I wrote about my five years of imprisonment, enduring suffering and torment, surviving those endless nights only by holding onto a single scrap of his words.

I wrote about the beautiful dreams I had for our future, hoping to win his heart and grow old together.

How simple my wish was.

Yet the world changes, as do hearts.

All the love and sincerity I once gave had been repaid with, "Ah, how easily the heart of an old friend changes."

Tears fell as I wrote.

I handed the folded letter to the head guard, asking him to deliver it to the Emperor.

The next day, Huston, with tears in his eyes, lifted my confinement.

Since my release, it seemed that Huston wanted to reconcile with me.

Not only did he lavish me with gold, silver, and jewels, but he also sent the latest fashionable dresses. Every time I wore them, he would gaze at me, resting his chin in his hands, showering me with praise.

"My Renee is truly the most charming woman!"

"Everything looks beautiful on you!"

But in truth, I was far from beautiful now.

After my confinement.

My body had become frailer than ever.

As if it would shatter at a touch.

Yet despite this, I lovingly embraced him, breathing in the faint fragrance of his hair.

"Huston, hearing you say that makes me so happy."

Huston touched my pale face.

"Renee, take care of your health."

"Your birthday is coming soon, and I'm going to give you the grandest celebration!"

However, my birthday banquet never came to be.

On the day itself, I had dressed in a bright red wedding gown, wearing a bridal crown and red embroidered shoes, hoping to indulge in a dream of marrying him.

But at that very moment, Amy's mother fell ill and had to leave the Fensville to seek treatment. She insisted that Huston personally see her off.

"Your Majesty, I only have this one mother."

"I don't know when I'll see her again!"

"Your Majesty, don't you care about my pain in saying farewell?"

Her eyes filled with tears, her delicate face streaked with sorrow, looking so pitiful.

Without hesitation, Huston let go of my hand and gently wiped her tears away.

Turning to me with a troubled expression, he said.

"Renee, you have many birthdays, but Amy has only one mother."

"If her mother passes away without a cure, this will be their last meeting."

"Please, be understanding and let her have this moment, hmm?"

A heavy bitterness clogged my throat, rendering me speechless, leaving only disappointment in my eyes.

So many birthdays, he said.

But he didn't know.

This would be the last birthday of my life.

Misty dusk.