Regret After Losing Love

Today was Saturday and I really wanted to spend some quality time with my boyfriend, so I invited him to play an escape room game. I reckoned we could cultivate our trust in this place. However, imagined my surprise when I saw Bart Jones was not alone. Instead, he brought his "sworn sister", Karen Scott, with him.

Karen was Bart's sworn sister, whom he had taken under his wings six years ago.

"Karen said she had never played this game before, so I brought her along with me. I know you don't mind, right?" Bart smiled. Karen did not say anything. She just smiled at me sweetly, though there was a hint of provocation in her eyes.

I could only swallow my disappointment and entered the game area with them. They entered inside hand in hand while I walked alone behind them.

When we were playing, the building suddenly got on fire. Seeing the fire, the first thing Bart did was to scoop up his precious "sister" and escape through flame. His mind was only filled with his "sister" that he never thought of my well-being and abandoned me.

I was not able to escape the fire. As a result, my whole body got heavily burnt. On the other hand, his good sister, Karen, managed to leave the scene without a single scratch left on her body.

Luckily, the firefighters were able to save me. They managed to drag me out through the thick smoke. Seeing me that was finally saved, Karen sneered and provoked me from the safety of her stretcher, "In my brother’s heart, I’ll always be number one. Guess your life doesn’t mean much for him after all, does it?"

Anger surged inside of me. I struggled to my feet and slapped her hard across the face. "All you ever say is 'brother, brother'! If you’re so desperate to have a kid, I'll help you out!"

——

Then I crumbled and fell into the oblivion.

Then, the next time I opened my eyes, the first thing I saw was the sterile white ceiling of the hospital room.

The searing pain in my right arm felt like molten lava had scorched my skin, a burning reminder that the fire was not some horrible dream.

My phone rang, but I didn’t even have the strength to roll over and answer it.

A kind nurse next to me pick the phone and hit the speaker button for me.

As soon as she pressed the button, Bart's furious voice lasted from the phone, "Emma Madison, are you crazy? What gave you the right to slap Karen?"

"Sir! The patient has severe second-degree burns and is about to undergo a skin graft,” the young nurse cut in coldly with an indignant manner. “What kind of boyfriend are you?”

“So just because she’s injured, she thinks she can hit people? Put Emma on the phone now!” Bart barked.

"You're crazy!" the nurse snapped back and ended the call.

My chapped lips curled into a bitter smile. It was impossible to save a relationship where even if you were hanging yourself, he would just assume you were playing on the swings.

Then I was wheeled into the operating room in my blue and white hospital gown, prepared for the skin graft on my right arm.

I was all alone, every step of the way.

To pass the time during my recovery, I scrolled through social media and found a post on Karen’s feed. In the picture, she pouted cutely while Bart applied some antiseptics to her face. She had written a caption, “I got slapped by a mean dog. This guy insisted on avenging me. What am I supposed to do without him?”

I took screenshot of her post and saved it then calmly turned off my phone.

I had had enough of this silly drama. I refused to see their public display of affection any longer.

Finally, after recuperating for some time, I was healthy enough to go home. Unfortunately, the hospital discharge took a long time and by the time I got home, it was already well at night.

When I opened the door, the first thing I saw was Brat. He was sitting on the sofa with his back facing away from the light and a cigarette between his lips. From the look of his face, it seemed he was ready to confront me.

"Nora, do you know why I didn't stay with you during your surgery?" he asked.

"Of course, I do. You were too busy lending your hand to Karen!" I said nonchalantly, as I walked into the room with my clothes in one hand

Bart was about to say something when his eyes fell on my freshly grafted arm. Suddenly, a flicker of guilt raised in his heart. "Nora, I'm sorry. I had never expected that you would get hurt that day. I thought because you had filmed scenes with fires before, you could handle this situation better. On the other hand, Karen is a timid girl. She became an art teacher as soon as she graduated. She never encounters any hardship. As you know the fire was so intense. If I hadn't saved her, how could she, a school teacher, who spends all her time with kids, be able to escape?"

"So, you did realize that the fire was so intense!" I looked pointedly at Bart.

"Nora, can't you stop with your sarcasm? Karen and I are just like brother and sister. I don't understand why you're always so paranoid about our relationship. You even slapped her right after she got out of the fire. She didn’t even hold it against you, so what more do you want?"

"You're right. I used to be paranoid. I'm always the one who misunderstands the two of you. Well, I did hit her and she called me a dog in her social media post. I’d say we’re even."

I threw a screenshot of Karen’s post at his face. "If I’m not wrong, she probably blocked you from seeing this post, didn’t she?"

After he saw the photograph, Bart looked at me with an awkward gaze. "Ugh, Karen is still childish. I'll talk to her about it later. Don't hold it against her; she doesn’t mean any harm."

He did it again. As usual, he told me to not hold this matter against her. I had heard these words hundreds of times and yet I was always the one who got hurt, the one who got overlooked.

Before, I might have argued with him until the skies fell, but now, after everything I’ve been through, I was not as disappointed as I used to be. Instead, all I felt was fatigue. Maybe facing death had changed something in me.

In fact, Karen was not wrong. In Bart's heart, his god-sister would always come first. My life could not even compare to a single tear from Karen.

At lunch, my assistant, Rachel Thomas, called me excitedly, "Nora, I've got great news for you!"

Seeing her so flustered, I asked, "Rachel, what’s the matter?" 

“There is a novel being adapted into a web series and I sent your headshots and info to the investors and director. They want you to audition next Saturday!” Rachel explained with excitement.

My heart skipped a beat. An audition? It had been so long since I last auditioned. That’s right, I was a small sporting actor, not even in the ranks of D-listers. When I first graduated, I had big dreams of becoming a star. However, reality and dreams were worlds apart, separated not only by timing and luck but also by hard work and perseverance.

Ever since I started falling in love with Bart, my entire heart had been consumed by him and as a result, my already struggling career took a nosedive. I took a sip of water, my excitement bubbling up. “Rachel, thank you so much for getting me this opportunity. Next Saturday, right? I’ll definitely be there on time. I’ll need your help with some of the preparation work.”

“No problem, Nora! You’re finally getting back on your feet! Do you know that the director even complimented you after seeing your profile? He said you really fit the character. You have to seize this rare opportunity!” Rachel encouraged,

With fire in my eyes, I said, "I promise I'll do my best!"

I had finally realized what truly mattered to me and I would never let it go and hold on to everything I got.

As for everything else, I would not care any longer.

There was a week left before the audition. I should have been resting after my surgery, but opportunities wait for no one.

I deleted all the food delivery apps on my phone and started eating salads and drinking coffee. By doing so I was hoping to reduce the swelling in a week. At night, I studied the script until late. Although it was just a supporting role, I analyzed every line carefully. The story was a Western drama and I was playing the male lead’s confidante, Mary Smith, whom he met when he had just tasted what love was. Though she was trapped in a life of hardship, she had a strong sense of patriotism. At a critical moment during the war, she decisively severed her romantic ties with the male lead. Though the role was small, for someone like me, this was a golden opportunity.

The script demanded a lot of discipline and sets of emotions from the actor, so I moved from home to the studio to make the most of this week.

One day, as I was eating a salad, Bart called me, "Nora, do you want to eat Japanese food together tonight? I’ve been trying to reach you, but you haven’t answered.”

His tone carried a hint of accusation. If this had been before, I would have scrambled to explain myself, eager to please and accepted his invitation. Yet now, all I wanted to do was to focus on the audition.

"I need to get rid of some water weight, so eating Japanese food is not an ideal food right now," I said calmly.

“When will you be done? I’ll pick you up when you’re free," Bart asked.

I said coldly, "Don't bother. I plan to do some work out tonight."

"Nora, stop sulking! I know you're still angry but enough is enough. How many years have you been out of school? You’re lucky if you occasionally land a bit part. Why can’t you be more realistic like Karen and get a stable job? Do you still naively believe you’ll become a big star?” he asked.

“I’m not sulking. I just want to focus on my work.” I calmly hung up the phone after that.

At this crucial moment, I didn’t want to waste a single second on Bart. It was not the right time to break up with him yet. I couldn’t let him affect my emotions.

However, I would never expect that later that night Bart drove to my studio and waited downstairs.

"Bart, didn't I tell you that this was the right time to catch Nora? Aren't I clever?" Karen chirped as she clung to Bart's arm intimately. She was wearing a bright red short-sleeve shirt and had her hair tied up in a high ponytail, looking full of youthful energy.

"Nora, let me see your wound!" Without waiting for my agreement, she already grabbed my hand. Her sharp manicure nail pressed hard on my skin graft, sending a surge of pain through me. Instinctively, I pushed her away.

Unexpectedly, she landed on the ground with a thud. When she looked up, her pretty face was already covered in tears. She gazed at Bart, her eyes brimming with tears. "I was just worried about her injury, but Nora seems to hate me so much. She pushed me and now I’m in so much pain!"

Bart rushed over and in just three long steps, he arrived beside her and helped her up.

"I'm sorry, Bart. If you hadn’t rushed to save me that day, Nora wouldn’t have been hurt. Luckily, she’s just an extra in so many years. So, having a skin graft probably won’t affect her career much, right?" Karen’s voice was trembling with tears, but the sideways glance she shot me was filled with smugness.

Bart's eyes filled with sympathy for her. "It's not your fault. That day was so chaotic, no one could have predicted what would happen."

I stared calmly at the "siblings" comforting each other in front of me and my mind drifted back to the day of the fire.

Flames and thick smoke shot into the sky, almost suffocating me. A burning beam fell heavily onto my right arm. Sparks sizzled as they shot into my clothes, scorching my skin. That place felt like the hell itself. In the midst of the smoke and despair, I called out for Bart. He glanced back at me, just once, before picking up Karen without hesitation. He left me with nothing but his retreating figure.

Perhaps the vacant expression on my face had triggered some guilt in Bart's heart. The man stepped forward and wrapped his arms around me. "Nora, I know I was wrong before. Let’s leave the past in the past, okay? Don’t make things difficult for Karen. I’ve reserved a spot at your favorite Japanese restaurant. Since you’ve been working out, we can order some sashimi and lighter options."

"I don’t like Japanese food," I stated flatly.

"Nora, you’re being unreasonable. That Japanese restaurant is really famous! Bart had to reserve the spot two days in advance. Even if you don’t like it, you shouldn’t waste his effort, right?" Karen said softly.

Bart's face darkened. "Nora, I'm giving you an olive branch here. Why are you always so ungrateful? Can’t you just be reasonable for once?"

"So, going to dinner with you two makes me reasonable?" I was too tired to argue anymore. An overwhelming sense of irritation began to rise.

Bart and Karen exchanged a wordless glance of exasperation.

"Fine, let's go! However, after dinner, I need to get home early to study my lines." I finally gave in.

The moonlight was beautiful that night and I practiced my character’s graceful walk on the way.

Karen kept staring at me and suddenly burst into laughter. "You were right, Bart. Nora really does think she’s going to be a star!"

"Enough, show some respect to Nora!" Surprisingly, Bart stopped Karen from mocking me for the first time. He stared at me for a long moment. There was a strange, unreadable look in his eyes.

However, my heart remained still as water.

When we reached the parking lot, I instinctively got into the back seat, leaving the front seat for Karen.

I used to get upset that Bart always let her sit in the front, but now I realize it’s just a seat. His heart was never with me anyway, so what was the point of fighting over the passenger seat?

Karen plopped down in the passenger seat and comfortably leaned back, pulling out snacks like she owned the place. Meanwhile, I sat in the back like an outsider catching a ride.

I recalled a morning not too long ago when I was running late for work and begged Bart to drive me. Since I didn’t have time to eat, I pulled out a piece of bread in the car. He was furious. He said that he hated it when people ate in his car. After that, I was always extremely careful whenever I rode with him. However, it was different with Karen. She dropped cookie crumbs on the seat. It was at this moment that the favoritism became painfully clear. What more could I not understand?

I used to be so wrapped up in Bart that even when I noticed his bias towards Karen, I chose to turn a blind eye. Now, all I wanted was to walk away as soon as I could.

The restaurant’s ambiance was indeed quite pleasant, with soft lighting like a gentle whisper beneath the moon.

Bart seemed to sense that my mood was vastly different from before and for the first time, he chose to sit beside me.

Karen began her tea ceremony performance while saying with a sweet voice, "Bart, you're doing good to Nora. Every time she throws a tantrum, you always pamper her.”

I smiled but didn’t respond. I had to admit, that after surviving that fire, my whole mindset had completely changed.

Bart pushed the menu toward me. "Nora, you can choose whatever you like!"

It had been a long time since I indulged myself, so I ordered a few skewers of grilled yakitori.

When the sizzling skewers, coated with sauce, were served, the aroma of the grilled meat filled the air. As the tantalizing smell danced on my tongue, my exhausted mind began to unwind as well.

“Nora, don’t these skewers look a bit like your burnt skin?”