I clutched the late-stage stomach cancer diagnosis in my hands and sent a text to my mother: [Can I withdraw some of the salary I have with you?]
Her voice message came back, seething with anger: [Money, money, money-- it's always about money with you. After all these years, you still haven't paid off your brother's mortgage, and now you're asking for more? How dare you!]
Before I could even process her words, she retracted the message and sent a new one: [The money is saved for your wedding. You're young, and we're keeping it for you so you don't get fooled by smooth-talking men. The salary for this month hasn't even come through yet, don't forget. Mom loves you, dear.]
Really? Saving it for me?
If it hadn't been for that slip-up of a message, I might have actually believed her. But with my time running out, I didn't need her so-called maternal love. I was determined to come back and settle things with these people.
***
After three years of working, this was my first time taking a taxi outside of work hours. My mom always told me to save more money so I wouldn't be looked down upon by my future in-laws. So, every month, after setting aside $200 for living expenses, the rest of my salary was taken by her without question.
I have no idea how much my three years' salary has added up to, but Alexander and his wife Dora are living the high life. In the past two years, since I became a full-time employee, they've bought a house and a car, traveled, and spent money freely without a second thought.
Dora often hit the beauty salons and told me, "Sweetheart, you need to take care of yourself." I could only nod along, having never experienced such luxuries myself due to financial constraints.
My mom would then chime in: "She's not as lucky as you. You're married to our successful Alexander, so you can enjoy life. A fortune-teller said this girl is unlucky and can't have these things, or it will shorten her life."
I had never seen a fortune-teller myself, but according to my mom, she took me to one before I was old enough to remember. She said that's my fate, so to prolong my life, she never gave me any of the good things at home. I had to eat Alexander's leftovers, and my clothes and shoes were all hand-me-downs from him.
But Mom, even though I've never enjoyed any luxuries in over twenty years, I'm still facing a short life.
The doctor said that with treatment, I might have another year; without it, only a month. This month, I had to get my money back. Otherwise, I would be a restless spirit, unable to move on.
Chapter 2As I was plotting how to reclaim my money, my brother Alexander called.
"Lily, I'm at Mom and Dad's. Come back for dinner. It's been ages since we all got together."
Alexander's name seemed to have been given with high hopes, while mine felt like it was chosen on a whim.
My classmates laughed and said my parents didn't love me, that they were giving all my luck to Alexander. I cried and went home, wanting to change my name, but my mom was furious, "Change your name? Even if you die, you'll be cremated with this name."
"But others laugh at me," I cried, my tears soaking my ill-fitting clothes.
My mom, indifferent to my tears, was only annoyed. "At eight years old, you're still so gullible? I've told you, your fate is bad, you're a burden. Being named Lily is supposed to let you share some of your brother's good fortune. You, a worthless girl, can't have any luck to help others. Your brother is the one with real fortune." She repeated this several times as if saying it often enough would make it true.
Finally, she couldn't be bothered with me anymore. "You're not smart, and you can't get into a good school. This afternoon, wash your brother's clothes. I need to cook for him. He needs to stay sharp."
My older brother Alexander was five years older than me. When I was in elementary school, he was preparing for his middle school exams. Mom was obsessed with his success, constantly making him special meals.
He ended up doing well, thanks to Mom's nutritious meals. He passed the threshold for self-funded schooling, and we spent 50,000 dollars on school selection fees to get him into high school.
Dad bragged to everyone about his son being a "star scholar," destined to bring glory to the family. Later on, despite Alexander's talent and our parents' unwavering support, he ended up in an ordinary technical college. Mom and Dad were still thrilled, convinced that "boys have potential, and our son will definitely achieve great things."
Alexander was quite proud of himself. He frequently mapped out my future, telling me, "You're a girl, so your IQ is naturally lower than a boy's. Even if your grades seem okay now, you'll fall behind in middle school. But girls have it easier; if you don't make it to high school, you can just get married."
I was confused and felt something was off, but I hesitated to argue, thinking maybe Alexander's luck was the reason for his success, and that's why my grades were so poor.
Middle school flew by quickly. My parents decided I was unlikely to amount to much and planned to send me to a factory to work. But since I was underage, I was sent back home. My parents were furious, "How's your brain wired? If people ask your age, just say you're an adult to avoid these issues. You're just trying to slack off and not repay us. You're a burden, not as considerate as your brother."
Maybe Alexander's luck really was that good, because suddenly I became the top student in the city, attracting offers from two prestigious high schools and earning a hefty scholarship.
Mom and Dad were ecstatic, not because of my achievement, but because my success meant they could get some return on their investment...
"Why did we bring her back? I specially prepared seafood today. That selfish girl might steal the food meant for Alexander!" Mom's voice pulled me out of my memories.
Chapter 3Her voice was soft but enough to shatter my last bit of hope.
"Alexander still needs 30,000 dollars for the car. If we don't give her something sweet, she might not want to borrow money for her brother," I heard Dora's voice, deliberately hushed but still audible since she was close to Alexander.
"Does she dare not help Alexander?" Dad's deep voice came through clearly, "What's she saving her money for? To make life easier for her in-laws? Girls these days are just so selfish and ungrateful."
Then I heard footsteps, indicating that the person with the phone had left the room, and Dad's voice became faint.
In the past, I'd occasionally heard such background noises during phone calls. But back then, I still held out hope. I kept believing that if I worked hard and did well, I'd gain my family's approval and love. It wasn't that I was particularly naive.
What child could easily accept that their parents didn't love them?
I always found excuses for them, helping them deceive themselves. Now that I was dying, I refused to be a pitiful soul unloved until the end. If they didn't love me, I would love myself.
"Ahem," Alexander cleared his throat, noticing my silence. "Is the signal bad, Lily?"
Lily again.
I'd always disliked that name. Before I died, I needed to change it. Otherwise, I feared I would never find peace, even in death.
I checked the calendar to see how much time I had left. There was not much time. Sorting out the money and changing my name needed to be top priorities.
"Well, I'm coming over now," I said.
Chapter 4When I stepped inside, the whole place reeked of seafood, but all I saw on the table was a plate of nuts, some half-cooked oatmeal, and cucumbers.
Dad looked serious, and my brother and his wife wore their usual polite, fixed smiles. Mom walked over and pulled me aside.
"I heard you weren't feeling well and even went to the hospital today. I made some oatmeal for your stomach. You know, rich food can really mess you up. Going to the hospital is such a waste of money-- money you should be saving. Don't worry, Mom will hold onto it for you."
I almost laughed at how absurd it was. A bitter wave of frustration hit me hard. Dora, Alexander's wife, had just taken their cat to the vet for days because it wasn't eating enough. And here I was, apparently not even entitled to see a doctor.
I looked down, took a sip of the undercooked oatmeal, and noticed bits of crab shell under one of the plates. My stomach churned even more.
"I have cancer."
Chapter 5The room went dead silent. I looked up, startled.
It wasn't me who had said it-- it was my mom.
Everyone else looked just as shocked. But Mom kept going. "Luckily, it's not too serious. With some conservative treatment, I might be okay. But your brother just bought a new house, and money's tight. Your dad and I, well, we don't make much. You're the only one who went to college. You've got a bright future. I don't want to waste money on my treatment. I'd rather save it for you guys."
She smiled that soft, motherly smile, but it didn't reach her eyes.
Alexander, my brother, jumped in right away.
"Mom, don't say that. Even if I have to borrow money or beg, I'll make sure you get treated. Lily feels the same way, I'm sure. And if we don't have enough, she'll chip in too. She's got a good job, and makes good money. I heard those big companies give out huge bonuses. Worst case, she could apply for an overseas assignment and make even more. And she's smart-- she could easily find a divorced guy to marry if she wanted. After all, you raised her and paid for her college. She wouldn't refuse to help."
They had calculated my worth down to the last cent. The greed on their faces made my stomach turn.
"Ugh-- " I bolted to the bathroom.
"She throws up after just a little oatmeal. Do you think she's pregnant? I haven't heard anything about a boyfriend. Maybe she's seeing a married man?" Dora whispered.
"That'd be perfect," Alexander said. "We could squeeze some cash out of the guy. Might even pay off the mortgage."
"Ugh-- " Hearing that made me even sicker. I barely made it to the toilet.
Alexander had the nerve to claim Mom paid for my college. In reality, they took all my scholarship money. I worked part-time, lived on steamed buns, and was so malnourished I fainted more than once. It was only thanks to my teachers and classmates that I managed to graduate.
Outside, their conversation continued. "Mom, you scared me with that cancer talk. I didn't relax until I saw you give me the signal."
Mom laughed. "You're my good son. Not like that ungrateful girl. She didn't even flinch when I said I was sick. If I hadn't made it sound serious, she wouldn't have handed over a penny."
I clenched my fists so hard my palms bled, but it was the only thing that kept me from collapsing.
I walked out, pale but steady. Before they could speak, I said, "Mom, don't worry about the treatment. I just got accepted for an overseas project. I'll be leaving in a month. The company offers a $100,000 bonus every quarter for hardship posts. That should cover your medical costs."
Alexander had been about to ask who the father of my non-existent baby was, but he swallowed his words.
They all looked at me, their eyes gleaming with greed.
I smiled. That was exactly the reaction I wanted.
"Those whom the gods wish to destroy, they first make mad."
Let the games begin.