It was our tenth wedding anniversary.Over a decade,I had given all my life,my youth,my beauty and hard work in the name of a man.But in the end,I left with my own baseless feelings.
I filed a divorce petition against my husband,Ryan Farnanadez.
The gift he had given me,was lying on my lap,the innocent puppy.
When I looked at those pair of innocent flickering eyes,I recalled the old days when I was still young and could fall in love.The innocence I held at that time,was now ruined by Ryan,that arrogant bastard.
Ryan was always surrounded by young and beautiful girls.He played with those girls nearly the age of eighteen and even spent nights together.He never cared for me.But I was not someone who could accept an open marriage and let her partner do whatever they wanted.
I set my eyes on the puppy again,he was licking my palm and caressing its furry body on me like back then when Ryan would pester me always.
I didn't want it anymore or should I say I didn't want to recall those memories anymore!
I sent the puppy back to the pet store.
Ryan didn't reply to any of my messages which I sent him an hour ago,I wondered if he saw the divorce agreement.
Well,nor did I care!Over a decade,my heart had gotten numb and used to live with his indifference.
After the puppy was gone,the already empty house was now lonier.
I didn't want to do any housework.Well,even if the house was big enough to hold almost fifty people,it could never become a home.
I took a long hot shower,letting all my worries,hard work and sorrows run down with the flow of water.If only I could be like water and could wash the dirt of my life away from me.
“Ryan!My biggest mistake…”I mumble.
When I came out of the washroom,my eyes were red after a long shower.I went to bed without drying my hair.
…
I didn't know how long I had been sleeping but I woke up with the sound of hard knocking on the door.
“Ugh!”I grunted as I was still half asleep.
When I opened the door,I found a delicate young girl sobbing on the door.
It was Zenelia Devis,Ryan’s new secretary.She was a college graduate and the only daughter of Farnanadez’s business partner.
“Now what's with all this drama!”I uttered in my mind but didn't let it out.
“Why…are you here?”I rubbed my eyes to flee the slumber away.
She was crying like a child!
Young,beautiful and unrestrained.
Likewise,no brains,crystal clear stupidity.
“Mrs Farnanadez,I’m very sorry.”She sobbed harder,almost begging now,“Please don't be cruel to Ryan.You can hit me,scold me if you want but don't slander Ryan,alright?
He is truly busy.”
Wow!What a great show.For a while,I thought she was pleading so hard as if I wanted her husband.True,after all mistresses had also a sense of right.
I sneered.
But I didn't understand why she was putting on such a show but before I could say anything further,Ryan entered,all worried and sweaty.
He cupped Zenelia’s face and wiped away her tears,“Zen,don't cry.”
He was patting her head gently until she calmed down.
What a lovely scene but it only wanted me to puke.
As it was the end of December,the weather was chilly.My thin pyjamas couldn't resist the cold and I coughed harder.Only then did Ryan notice me.
He gritted his teeth at me.
“Have you had enough,Selena?”He almost roared,“She is just a child.Can you behave a little?”
“Ryan…”I was cut in the middle.
All his gentleness,tenderness were gone…
“Selena,you are thirty already.”He snorted,“Why are you still being so childish?”
Yes,I was already thirty years old and had been married to Ryan for ten years.
It was amazing to see that he didn't remember our tenth wedding anniversary,but he remembered my age so well and was constantly reminding me that I was no longer young.
“Yes,you are right.”I nodded.Fuck,I just didn't want to talk with this bastard!
“I will clean up the room for you.”I directly looked at them,my eyes were hollow.
“Or should you guys take the Master bedroom?”I smiled.
Zenelia’s face was extremely red in anger and shame.She chided,“Mrs Farnanadez,you went too far.”
She burst into tears and hurriedly ran away.
“Selena!”Ryan glared at me fiercely and followed her.
I looked at the time.It was already 1.30 in the morning and had no trace of Ryan.
Previously,he still lied about his whereabouts saying he had meetings or engagements but now he lifted all the facade and was bringing girls home.
I laid down on my bed.The bed was as cold as him.
As I closed my eyes,I still could see Ryan but this one was not the one who treated me coldly but the one with whom I fell in love in my sixteen.
I couldn't sleep anymore,after tossing and turning for a while I got up.
My heart suddenly felt like it was being pulled apart.
When I woke up,it was already 10am but Ryan didn't come.
I put Ryan’s flight ticket on the table beside the bed and packed my luggage.Under the dim light of the bedside lamp,the ticket for Japan was still glowing whereas the fire in my mind was yet to subside.
I left for myself.
“Ryan,this is the last chance I’m giving us.After that,there's no going back.”I mumbled as I left for Japan with my suitcase.
Chapter 2:The Last Pillar of Our Love Is GoneI have been travelling Japan for almost one month,during this time Ryan didn't inquire about me nor did he call me.Probably,he didn't even know that I had left.
I reluctantly came back home.
When I entered inside everything felt the same and cold except the Winter Jasmine I carefully grew dried and full of dust.
The flight ticket stayed still in the same place on the table untouched.
“Good.Very good.”I murmur,looking at the frosty tickets.
Ryan was sitting on the couch with an extremely bitter expression on his face.
“Selena!”His tone was cold as ice.A chill ran down to my spine.
“What?”Compared to him,my voice was calm.
“Selena,are you that childish for a thirty years grown woman running away from home?”He was fuming in anger.
I was certainly not a child nor did I act like one.
A child may cry when he or she was hurt but if a grown woman like me started to cry out my grief,I would be ashamed.
“I brought you a souvenir.”
Aa I finished saying,I took out a small crystal ball night lamp.When I touched it,it was glowing with yellow light.
The divorce paper which was already signed by me was peeking beneath it.
Ryan looked at it and didn't answer about that.
He didn't even touch the lamp.
“Zen didn't mean to hurt you.”He shrugged his shoulders,“She is still growing and likes cute things.What's wrong if she sent you the puppy?”
“But if you want more,have this money.Buy a bag or jwellery for yourself.”
He fiddled the card and almost threw it on my face.
Wow!It was good to have money,so much that it could cover your every wrongdoing.
All I needed to do was to enter the pincode and everything would be buried.
I didn't continue the topic and looked at the lamp again,“Ryan,do you find it familiar?”
Ryan tittered,“Since when did you love this cheap stuff?”
I was shocked and tried to say something but the lump on my throat prevented me to utter a word.
When we were seventeen,we stood in front of an antique shop and liked this crystal ball lamp very much.
“Don't look at it.”The shopkeeper was harsh,“It was imported from Japan and out of your reach.”
Well,she was not wrong.At that time Ryan left his family to be with me.The money we could make from our part time job was not enough to buy us such a luxurious gift.
So,Ryan spent a good two months making the exact same crystal ball lamp for me.
He even engraved our name in the shape of a heart over the lamp.
“Ryan loves Selena forever!”
I couldn't help but cry in happiness.
But now that we had the privilege,Ryan forgot our past.
Seeing that I was silent,Ryan clicked his cheek with his tongue,“Alright.Don't make trouble.I’m already busy.”
He straightened his clothes and got up.
Then I noticed the hickeys on his neck which are red and purple.
I wanted to vomit on this site.As I backed off,I slumped on a chair.
“What's wrong with you?”Ryan rushed forward to hold me.
“Fuck!Keep your dirty hand away from me.”I groaned and pushed him away.
“Selena!”Ryan shouted furiously and pushed me away hard.
I bumped into the table and fell down.A part of my temple was injured and bleeding.
When I was gasping in pain,he kicked my leg again,“Fucking hell!I shouldn't have come back.You’re so disgusting.”
“I feel sick just looking at you like this.Even if you were standing naked in front of me,I wouldn't even bother to look at you any more!”
Ryan's phone kept ringing.He shot a gaze of disgust at me before picking up the call.
I wanted to stand up but I was dizzy.Everything on the table fell down and created a mess.The beautiful lamp was now a broken chuck of glasses.
I forced myself to stand up and clean up the mess.My hands were scratched by the debris and blood dripped onto the carpet.
I took a deep breath and tried to calm myself down.
I saw his laptop was still there and it was showing the purchase of a designer bag.
On my birthday this year,I received a designer bag Ryan sent to me which was not appropriate to carry for a lady like me.I thought Ryan was not thoughtful but now everything was clear.
It was never meant for me.This kind of bag suit Zenelia best.
I smiled bitterly and the tears finally didn't listen to me.
I treated my wound and went to my room leaving the mess behind.Since this home was no longer mine,I didn't have to care about it anymore.
Ryan didn't look back at me anymore and was busy pleasing Zenelia.
Life was always full of ups and downs and it was better when you were alone.
I finally made up my mind and came out with two suitcases.
“"You're making trouble again,Selena,are you not done yet?”
“I don't care where you go now,but we're going to have a dinner party at the old house next month,so don't embarrass me and come back before time.”
“What if I won't?”I could be an obedient wife and listened to him but now I lost the power,lost the courage.I just wanted to run away from him,end this marriage,so that nothing could hurt me anymore.
As I said,Ryan's face was darkened in anger.
chapter 3:Pink Only Suit Young Girls“Selena,are you trying to anger me to death?”Ryan sneered,“Look at you,you are looking like a homeless bitch.How dare you talk over me?”
“Selena,be your right self when you still have the time or else don't blame me.”He rubbed the middle of his forehead and tossed his black card to me,“Go and buy some new clothes for you.The way you are right now,seeing you I want to puke.”
“Such an eyesore!”He mumbled while frowning.
Looking at his expression,this man felt foreign to me.
I couldn't help but recall our past again.
…
“Ryan,look at those red rashes.”I,the little sixteen year old girl,cried out,“I look like a pig.”
“What if I can't ever recover from this?”I rubbed my face looking at the mirror and cried harder,“Do you still want me if it leaves scars?”
Ryan,who was barely nineteen,held me in his lap and coaxed me for a good two hours,“Sele,are you out of your mind?You are the love of my life.”
He kissed my forehead and squeezed my palm,“I will always love you even if it has scars.In my eyes,you are the most beautiful girl.”
“I love you,Ryan.”I kissed his cheek,“Don't change alright?”
…
Heh!Appearances changed with time,love faded with time too.
The man in front of me was now arrogant and powerful whereas I was the same girl who still liked to be drawn into his love.
Once Ryan and I were in love but now we were disgusted with each other.
Life always had its different way of playing with us.
I didn't continue to talk to him anymore yet Ryan didn't notice if anything was wrong with me.Well,I was not surprised as he no longer cared for me.
I was still preparing to leave and was about to set my foot forward when his voice buzzed again.
“While shopping,if you see something suitable for a little girl,buy one for Sarah,she would love that.”
A faint smile appeared on his lips,“Pink looks better on young girls.They look like butterflies.”
I suddenly remembered that Zenelia was wearing a pink skirt that day too.Maybe thinking of her,he had that smile on his face.
But the gentle expression didn't last long before he looked disgusted again.
“Selena,I am warning you for the last time now.Be good there and help the caretakers out with chores.Don't embarrass me there.”
I sneered and looked away.
Suddenly,my mind was longing for Sarah.My only girl,I endured all those painful and sleepless nights to have her but in the end she was taken away after being born.
Now,I hardly even recalled her face.
When the infant was being snatched away from me,the Madame of the Farnanadez family only gave the excuse that I belonged to a low class,white collared family and was not familiar with the elite society.If my baby stayed with me,she would be like me and could not stand on her feet.
Ryan didn't protect me and my child that day.He let them take my child away and when I tried to protest and raise my voice,he called me crazy.
“I don't know Sarah's size.”I slowly empathised,“And I am not going to the party too.”
Ryan frowned,“Such an useless!I’ll let Zen accompany Sarah and buy some dresses.She has better eyes than you.”
Of course she had!The pampered young miss of an elite family who was still in her twenties.I couldn't be compared to her.
Over the years,Farnanadezs loathed me and wanted Zenelia as their daughter-in-law.Even though they had almost a ten year age gap,Zenelia and Ryan were always considered a perfect match by two families whereas I was a country bumpkin.
Zenelia had been pampered since she was a child.When she didn't want to study,she was sent abroad to gain experience.When she didn't want to work,she went to Ryan’s company to kill time.
What she wants is always easily obtained.
Now,she had fallen in love with my husband,and the people in the Farnanadez family also tacitly acknowledged that she was the real Mrs.Farnandez.
I could only go to the old house to see Sarah during family gatherings during the holidays.
However,Zenelia was able to enter and leave the family house freely.Even the family portrait in the living room of the Farnanadez family showed Zenelia standing next to Ryan,holdingi Sarah,instead of me.
As for me,the real Mrs.Farnandez,I could only be a puppet of serving tea and water in the corner.
“That's right.I’m old and not worthy.”I nodded my head vigorously,“You should divorce me and go to your family.Don't delay your family reunion.”
“Selena,can you stop rebelling?”Ryan threw his phone in anger and shouted,“I’m being good to you but you are asking for miles now,since you get an inch now.”
“Don't forget you are nothing without me.”
“Without you,I’m still Selena Foster."
I glanced at Ryan.The man I had loved for ten years had completely changed and no trace of his youth could be found anymore.
Over the years,everyone thought that I climbed the social ladder by marrying Ryan,including him who thought so deep down.
But I would always remember how cautious and sweet he was when we just became a couple.
"Sele,I’m the happiest in this world and luckiest too.”
"I feel annoyed every time you come in front of me.”
Ryan grabbed his suit jacket and prepared to leave.
I suddenly said,"Ryan,my mother died fifteen days ago.I called you but you didn't answer.At that time,you should have been accompanying Zenelia on a trip.”
chapter 4:When My Mother Died,You Accompanied Zenelia to a Trip.Ryan stopped on his track and looked back at me.
He was a little shocked.
I took a deep breath and tried to stay calm.
It was a cruel joke that my husband's net worth was more than a billion dollars whereas my mother died because I couldn't collect only twenty thousand dollars.She let out her last breath in pain and sorrow because I couldn't afford to give her operation fees.
When my father divorced her,he left with my brother,I was very young and my mother was in her prime.Even though our relationship was not like those typical mother-daughter duo,we still only had each other to rely on.
There was a saying that Blood was thicker than water and was inseparable.I couldn't just watch my mother die in front of me.
My mother was ill that day and needed an operation fee.But I couldn't even give her that support.
No one may believe it when I said this,but I,the wife of the chairman of a listed company and Ryan Farnanadez’s original wife,couldn't even swipe the card in exchange for two thousand dollars.
That day,I called Ryan over a hundred times but he ignored my call.Even when he picked up,he could only speak a few seconds before someone snatched his phone and hung up.After that,it was switched off.
After the critical time left,I couldn't save my mother anymore.She died with her eyes open.I could only imagine how much hurt she was while dying.
I could only try my best to take care of her funeral properly.I was all alone while I was on it.
It was also on the day,when I saw Zenelia’s latest Instagram post,where she was smiling beautifully wearing a red gown.She was leaning on Ryan's shoulder while holding his hands,the wedding ring in his hand was still visible.
She wrote the love song as their caption:
[It's just you and me
And there's nothing I,nothing I,I can do
I'm stuck with you,stuck with you,stuck with you]
They were having a candle light dinner.
Later I checked the hotel’s entity and found that even a simple meal cost a few million there.I couldn't even imagine how much they had spent there that day,maybe it could cover for three operations of my mother and she could be well and kicking.
At that moment,I thought about divorcing Ryan.Living a life without a name and carrying on a relationship like carrying a hard rock was useless.
Since he was no longer the boy who always put me first and loved me like I would melt if he didn't care for me properly,there was no need for me to force him to stay by my side.
I didn't need to be called Mrs.Farnandez.
"Are you angry with me because of this?Why didn't you tell me earlier?”He raised his eyebrows,“Selena,I am not someone who stays inside your brain that I would know everything.”
"Mom has been ill for a long time.I have mentioned this to you many times.”I sighed and looked down on my fingers,“I wanted you to accompany me to see her,but you always said you didn't have time.And that time..."
Before I could finish my words,Ryan's phone rang again.
I glanced at the name which bubbled on the screen‘My sweetest Zen’.
I tittered when I thought it might be Zen who saved it like this.I did that childish thing too when I was young.
Ryan moved to the balcony to answer the call.
The door was not completely closed,and I could hear him coaxing Zenelia about something.Even though his voice was low,it was not inaudible.
“I have to attend a company meeting.”After hanging up the phone,his expression turned cold again,“Wait until I get back before continuing this topic.”
Now that he was leaving,no one knew when he would remember that he had a home again.
So,it didn't matter whether I could continue the topic or not because I knew when he would come back,I would no longer try to interact with someone who had been showered with another girl's perfume on his whole body.
Ryan didn't want to listen to anything from me either.For him,whenever I opened my mouth,I was just nagging.
"Sign the divorce agreement before you leave."
Before he reached near the door,I said angrily,"If you leave,don't come back."