I Called a Cow My Wife and Fed Our Child My BloodChapter 1
On the day our daughter turned one month old, my wife’s first love stormed into our home, clutching his unconscious child in his arms. He slapped himself hard across the face as he dropped to his knees before me, banging his head against the floor over and over.
“If I hadn’t fallen ill and been hospitalized, I would’ve never dared to trouble you to watch my kid,” he cried, tears streaming down his face. “If you want to kill me, go ahead. But please, I beg you—spare my child!”
My wife, Ginny Yelts, furious beyond words, banished me to a cattle ranch to reflect on the concept of paternal love.
One month later, she returned with the entire family to bring me home. When they arrived, I was gently calling after a newborn calf, urging it not to run too fast. My wife observed the scene, then nodded approvingly.
“Looks like your time at the ranch has finally nurtured your fatherly instincts.”
I ignored her entirely and leaned down to plant a kiss on the face of a large yellow cow. “What do you and our daughter want for dinner tonight?”
She gritted her teeth. “I sent you to the ranch for one month, hoping you'd reflect on your actions—and this is what I get in return? You're mocking me by pretending to be insane?!”
Just then, the calf stumbled into a muddy pit and began crying out with helpless moos. My heart ached. Without hesitation, I slit my wrist and let it drink my blood.
“There, there, baby. Don’t cry. A little milk and everything will be just fine.”
——
When my wife came to the ranch with her family to fetch me, I was walking through the pasture with the newborn calf beside me.
“Steve has already forgiven you for what happened with the child,” she said, folding her arms. “She urged me to come and bring you back. Tom, tell me—have you truly turned over a new leaf after this month at the ranch?”
Under the curious gaze of our friends and relatives, I looked down tenderly at the calf, which was wobbling on its legs.
“Slow down, baby… don’t hurt yourself.”
Steve Hanks smiled gently and urged, “Tom, Ginny has already let bygones be bygones. Don’t stay angry at her any longer. If you keep this up, she’s going to say you’re impossible to reason with again.”
Ginny seemed to be in a surprisingly good mood. Her lips curled slightly in a satisfied smile.