Those two short lines had all pointed at me, even purposely showing the photos from that day in the old town, of me striking Heidi.
In a moment, online users exploded, all deciding that I had planned it.
Soon after, Ezra returned with great anger.
He acted out of control, grabbing my throat, shouting loudly.
“You can't stand her, so you have to push her to death to feel satisfied?”
I was held tight by him and couldn't breathe; my face turned red.
Seeing me struggle hard, he then woke up and let go of his hand.
I coughed a few times. “It isn't me. If it were me, back then I would've killed her!”
Ezra frowned, very unhappy with what I said.
“Stop. Did we not agree we do not talk about what happened before!”
Seeing him avoid the past, I instead felt it was both silly and sad.
She falsely accused me of cheating to get awards, led me to be hurt by extreme people online, caused my right ear to have lasting hearing loss, and made me forever unable to play the cello.
For a cello player to lose part of the sound, those painful days could not be spoken of.
Even his making up for my schizophrenia and helping her clear her suspicion could not be spoken of.
During that time, I tried so hard to get treatment, hoping to go back to the orchestra, but it all ended with one line, not to mention.
“Ezra, you still love her, right?”
My voice sounded very calm, but held many mixed feelings.
His body froze, as if he had not expected me to say that.
Then, he suddenly took my hand and softly said, “Evie, what’s done is done. Why keep holding onto it? Can’t we just live well together?”
I gently smiled and pulled my hand away.
“If you truly wanted to live well, you would not still have feelings for her, and you would not lose control again over her safety.”
“Ezra, you may fool others, but you cannot fool me.”
From the age of eight to twenty-eight, I had seen how he lost control because of love.
Once for me, and many times for Heidi.
When I was twenty, studying in England, I had acute gastroenteritis. I cried and called him.
“If you were here with me, it would be better.”
After a twelve-hour flight, he came to my side. When I had a high fever and fainted, his eyes turned red.
“I’m here, don’t fall asleep. I’ll stay with you.”
Later, he would worry over Heidi’s stomach pain during her period, stay by her bedside all night when she had a fever, and believe her tears when she said I made things hard for her…