"Ms. Barnes, your bloodstream contains dangerously high levels of diazepam, a powerful sedative, as well as immunosuppressants. That's why you've been experiencing chronic dizziness and fatigue."
"These substances cause irreversible neurological damage to a fetus. I strongly recommend you terminate the pregnancy as soon as possible."
My hand drifted to my lower belly. Tears spilled down my cheeks again, hot and relentless.
"I'm so sorry, baby. Mommy thought she could protect you this time around. I'm so sorry I failed you."
"I hope you find your way back up to heaven and pick yourself a good mother. One who can give you a whole lifetime of happiness."
I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand and forced my voice steady.
"Doctor, please schedule the procedure. I consent to the termination."
He nodded.
Two hours later, I lay on the freezing surgical table, feeling the sharp instruments scrape inside me, stroke after agonizing stroke, taking my baby away.
A sour, stinging pressure flooded my eyes. I squeezed them shut and forced it back down.
By nine that evening, the IV drip was finished. I dragged my hollow, trembling body home.
The instant I pushed open the door, a flicker of surprise crossed Oliver's face. It vanished just as fast, replaced by a scowl.
"Are you done throwing your tantrum?"
"Look at yourself. Getting pregnant has made you even more impossible. Paranoid, controlling, lashing out at everyone. Do you have any idea how upset Mamie is because of you?"
I looked at Mamie, nestled against Oliver's chest, eyes red-rimmed with perfectly performed hurt.
I laughed. A low, hollow sound.
I walked over slowly and slapped the surgical discharge form onto the coffee table.
"Oliver, your child is gone. And here you are, fussing over your little mistress. Don't you even want to know why?"
Oliver's eyes narrowed. The second he read the words on that paper, the color drained from his face. He shoved Mamie aside, seized my shoulders, and roared.
"Bernice! How could you be so heartless? Just because you were jealous, you went and killed our baby? Are you even human?"
"You've completely lost your mind. I'm having you committed!"
He lunged at me, hands reaching for my arms. I laughed again, that same empty laugh, and swung my palm hard across his face the moment it got close enough.